On having long-term friends

This weekend we're hosting Brian and Jennie, in town to attend the wedding of the daughter of Jennie's friend Bev. Brian has been my best friend for thirty years. There is a lot of emotion in that sentence, although it probably isn't obvious. You see, I'd never had a long-term friend until Brian.

By the time I finished high school, I'd attended a dozen different schools and lived in 15 or 16 different houses, up and down the west coast. I'd never lived longer than two and a half years in any one place. As a result, I have no childhood friends. Many times I experienced the pain of moving without even a chance to say goodbye to the friends I had at the time.  Going through so many moves left me with a deep but hidden sense of insecurity. I coped by trying to perform well in school and seeking friends who wouldn't threaten my fragile sense of security. The paucity of that approach became more apparent to me in my twenties. I wasn't forming the kinds of relationships that ministered well to people.

I met Brian when I was thirty, within a year of moving back to Corvallis, where I've now lived for thirty-one years. These have been years of a deepening security in God, supported by the love of long-term friends and the stability of staying in one place. Authors such as Larry Crabb drew my attention to key issues in my life and directed me toward lasting and deep solutions. My friendship with Brian has also played a big part.

Brian and I raised our kids together. Our families ate dinner together monthly. He and I had lunch weekly to support our growth as men, husbands, fathers, and servants of God.  We served our church as home Bible study group leaders, leader trainers, personal counselors, and in many other ways. Brian has stood with me in my darkest times of personal failure. As couples we've shared anniversary celebrations, including a two-week tour of the UK. (We share identical wedding dates, to the hour.) After they moved away ten years ago, we've visited them in Vienna and now in the Las Vegas area. A couple of years ago Brian and I hiked the Grand Canyon. We stay in touch now through email and Skype video.

All these details don't really capture the feeling, though. Being able to sit down last night and play a card game, or chat this morning after breakfast, with the ease and bond that come with decades of shared life...I can't find a way to express my sense of satisfaction.

Thanks, Brian, for being my friend. I'm honored that you call me your best friend too.