So at the suggestion of a counselor friend, I sought out a professional who could coach me in this area. I've been learning about how to listen to my body as well as to my mind, and to let my body have a voice in my choices. For decades I pushed my body forward because my mind was telling me to carry out just one more responsibility. I rarely let myself fully relax and go off duty. The stress of constantly being "on" probably contributed to the build-up of blockages in my cardiovascular system, and eventually to the quadruple bypass surgery I experienced in March, 2007.
As a result of the coaching I've been receiving, however, I can sense a new normal emerging. The external stresses in my life have not gone away; in some ways they've intensified, and in others they've changed. But what I'm noticing now is that I'm taking the stresses more in stride, not fretting about them as much. I'm learning to breath deeply, to refresh my spirit in the Lord, and to recall that God is in control and can be trusted with this latest stress too. I'm giving myself permission not to try to pack so much into a day or a moment. I'm remembering more often to stay focused on the person or situation I'm in at the time, rather than running ahead in my mind. I'm reserving time to exercise properly, even if it means I get to the office later than before. And I'm doing fun things more often, rather than just doing another chore at home. I even took a towed parachute ride at a beach in Thailand this summer!
So I'm feeling more calm these days. No, not Mr. Placid yet. Maybe never. But certainly much less intense and more laid back. I feel it inside. And people who know me well are telling me they see a difference.
